How to get better at conversation

Plenty of guys think charisma is something you're born with. Mostly, it's practice. The people who seem effortless in conversation have usually just had more of it, and they've picked up a few habits that make other people enjoy talking to them. You can pick up the same habits.

Habits that make a difference

Ask a follow-up. The first question is easy. The second shows you were listening. "Where are you from?" is small talk; "What was it like growing up there?" is a conversation.
Listen instead of waiting for your turn. If you're planning your next line while they talk, you'll miss the thing worth asking about.
Give something back. Only asking questions turns it into an interview. Share an opinion, a story or something about yourself, then hand it back.
Use their name. Say it when you meet them and once more before you leave. It helps you remember it, too.
Put the phone away. Face down on the table still says you're half there.

Four books worth reading

You don't need all of them. Start with one, try one idea from it for a week, then move on.

How to Win Friends and Influence People (paid link) by Dale Carnegie is from the 1930s and still the best place to start. Its principles are simple: be genuinely interested in other people, remember names, let people talk about themselves, talk about what they care about, don't criticize or complain, and give honest appreciation. Easy to read, harder to practice.

The Charisma Myth (paid link) by Olivia Fox Cabane argues that charisma is a set of behaviors you can learn. It breaks charisma into presence, power and warmth, with exercises for each. The part on presence, actually paying attention to the person in front of you instead of drifting into your own head, is worth the book on its own.

How to Talk to Anyone (paid link) by Leil Lowndes is a collection of short, specific techniques, from how you smile when you meet someone to what to say when a conversation stalls. It's made for dipping into: read one technique, use it that day.

Models (paid link) by Mark Manson is about dating, but its core idea applies to every conversation: be honest about who you are and what you want, and stop needing everyone's approval. Being willing to be disliked by a few people tends to make you more interesting to everyone else.

Get your reps in

Books give you ideas. Practice changes how you come across. Keep it low-stakes and daily:

Say one more sentence than you need to: to the barista, the cashier, the guy next to you at the gym.
Join something that meets every week, like a run club, a pickup league, a climbing gym or a class. Seeing the same faces regularly is how acquaintances turn into friends. Meetup lists local groups by interest.
Say yes to invitations, and send some yourself. Hosting even something small makes you the person who brings people together.

Have a few stories ready

Keep three or four short stories in your back pocket: something funny that happened this week, a trip, a mistake you learned from. Keep each under a minute, with a point or a punchline. Good stories aren't about being impressive; they're about being specific.

How you say it

Face the person you're talking to. Slow down a little, especially at the start. Hold eye contact while they talk and look away naturally while you think. Smile when something is actually funny, not as a reflex. Teasing should be light and go both ways; if only one of you is laughing, stop.

After a conversation that went well, or badly, take thirty seconds to think about why. That small habit is how the rest of this sticks.